The Twilight Mary Sue Alphabet
by Dreaming Maya
Summary: Alphabet poems for Mary Sues in Twilight. "A is for Annabelle-Rosemary-Joan, A vampire who doesn't do anything, but whine and moan ..."


Hallo everybody! I'd like you to see,

This little fic I've made, for you and me,

It's just for a laugh, a giggle and a smile,

Because, I swear, this fic isn't really mean while,

All I want is to share, these poems in your sight,

About all the Mary Sues, in fics about Twilight.

–

These poems are ideas from some people, most clever,

And to their awesomeness, I only attempt to endeavour,

The alphabets by Jackie Coffey, of the Elrics, Yugi and Harry,

Are poems so funny, I could only breathe just barely,

Danny Phantom's sues, by Kitty Fowl, were playful,

She knows the Mary Sue's, and for that I'm very grateful,

The Harry Potter Sue's, by the lovely Irony-chan,

Were brilliantly thought of, and to read, very fun!

I hope they don't mind that I tried my best,

But to be as smooth and funny, really was a test!

–

I warn you right now, this may insult you.

And I'm telling you, maybe, to try something new,

Turn away from this now, and read something other,

Then this little fic, and please don't flame or bother.

–

Now that's all said and done and the warning shown,

Feel free to scroll down, laugh and read on;

* * *

A is for Annabelle-Rosemary-Joan,

A vampire who doesn't do anything,

but whine and moan,

She's sulks and throws tantrums

when she doesn't get her way,

But all the vamps adore her, too much to say:

She is a real bitch, and a sparkly child to boot,

So maybe the author should actually give a hoot,

Instead of blowing up in the reviewer's faces,

When they say that the plot should be going places.

–

B is for Bella,

The original cannon burst

of Mary-Sue girls,

But in this fic she's worse.

Suddenly she's a vampire,

Yet she just doesn't have a sire,

And all the guys love her,

Except Edward, no sir!

No – wait, chapter two,

Now he's in love with her too.

–

C is for Came,

(The author says: that's what she's named!)

She is an orphan,

A street-kid that's really untamed,

She curses and swears,

And – oh, gods above!

Rosalie is her twin,

But Came and Em are in love,

And even though she does back-stabs her sister,

No-one can think to do anything but miss her,

Because sometimes she's there,

And sometimes she's not,

Just like the author,

Who rightfully left this story to rot.

–

D is for Danielle,

With long flowing hair,

Edward's strange way of talking,

But looks that can't compare.

She's innocent and cute,

And as sweet as pie,

Urg! This author is boring! She's –

Wait – this author's a guy?

(Now, before you think, please realise,

I'm not hating writers that are guys,

If it makes you feel better: boys, I'm sorry,

But we never get your side of the story)

–

E is for Emily,

Not Sam Uley's wife,

She's Alice's magic clone,

And gives everyone strife.

Her author says: She's _so_ not a sue!

She's a klutz, and she trips, and she's clumsy, see?

Even though in everything else,

She's as perfect as can be,

Wait – where's Alice gone?

Why is Jasper in love?

I think Emily's killed her,

With her magic kill-vamp glove.

–

F starts the name,

Of a girl called Fright,

Who doesn't do anything,

When she gets in a fight,

Because she is prettier,

All the girls want to hit her,

And because of her name,

They all think she's game,

But she's a useless sue!

She doesn't know how to fight - not a clue!

The boys, pack and Cullen,

While 'pretending' to be annoyed and sullen,

Always have to save her,

And then stop to savour,

The thank you she gives,

In the form of a kiss.

But that doesn't make her easy,

Or playing hard to get,

The author says she's not sleazy,

It's how she thanks men!

Yeah, I'm sure that's the reason,

But it'd still be questionable,

If she was actually teasing.

–

G is for Georgia,

A girl from Kentucky,

Who falls in love with Jasper,

And isn't she lucky –

Jasper loves her back!

But now the Volturi will attack,

No wait – they know it's true love,

So they leave and that's that!

Such a great story! (or NOT)

Because that's all the author,

Thought for the plot.

–

Heather is the girl,

Whose name starts with H,

She's mystic and dangerous,

And makes the boy's hearts ache,

Plus she's on a mission, a real important one,

She's out to kill all

of Carlisle's sons,

But alas! She can't!

Why? I don't know,

Because a mean review,

Made the author a no-show.

–

I is for Iris,

A roman goddess,

Somehow she's in Forks,

And makes a big mess!

The Cullens think she's a vampire,

And why ever not?

But that's about it,

Cause there's no more plot.

Or chapter, for that matter, why is that?

Because the author was young, and the flamers attacked.

–

J is for Jacky,

A female Jake,

She's still a wolf,

Anger still gives her the shakes,

She doesn't want Bella,

Because homo's are gross,

Everyone loves Edward,

And that's how the story goes.

–

K is for Katey,

She's Aussie, matey!

Her accent's so cute,

And she wears cow-boy boots,

She's Jasper's sister,

And Edward wants to kiss her,

Then Emmett comes along,

After the Author's favourite random song,

And now she has to choose,

In the form of a whole chapter, all about her muse,

But the author stopped it there, 'cause she wants ten more reviews.

–

L is for Lucy,

A clumsy little goosey!

She acts like a child,

And boy! When she's angry – she's wild!

And she wouldn't be a sue,

If the author wasn't goaded,

By all her three friends,

To make Lucy loaded.

Now Lucy flaunts her money!

And it's stopped being funny.

–

M is for Mallory,

All about calories,

She's think she's popular,

Because size 0 jeans she fits,

Sure, it's that and because,

Everyone loves her huge ti …

–

N is for Nancy,

Who's a little bit fancy,

And rude, and crude, – you get the gist,

Because Edward's in love,

And so is our little Miss,

But she's a right bitch,

The main reason she likes Edward,

Is because he's "real rich".

–

O is for Olivia,

And here's some trivia,

She was Edward's wife,

In his human life,

Now she's a vampire too,

And most definitely a sue,

She just smiles, with a wave,

While Edward, he gave,

All of his time, his energy, to this little Missy,

Besides the crap story,

There's one thing that bugs me – where's Izzy?

–

P is for Pam,

Who does nothing but lamb,

About her life and story,

But if that wasn't boring,

Her twin is Rose,

And somehow it goes,

That she finds her twin,

And goes in for the win!

Takes her life and her home,

Leaving her all alone,

But who cares? No-one at all,

Because this plot,

Is really, really small.

–

Q is for Qinn,

Or maybe it's Lin?

It's impossible to tell,

Because the author can't spell,

Sometimes she's angry,

Or maybe she's sad,

But one thing's for sure,

This fic's real bad.

–

R is for OOC Rose,

Who does nothing but stand and pose,

Because she's a model, the best,

And thinks nothing of the rest,

All the Cullen's love her,

They can't see anything wrong with her,

She's so tall, smart and rich,

But everyone else knows,

She's just a big bitc-

–

S is for Sally,

A real good pally,

She's cheerful and bright,

Her imperfections so slight,

But all of a sudden, it comes out into the light,

She comes from another planet – from outer space!

And how did she get here, in the first place?

But the Author would very much like to explain,

Because all the confused reviews, are a really big pain,

"She's different, alright? Stop PMS-ing!"

I suppose we could, is she was even a little bit interesting.

–

T is for Tory,

With a dramatic story,

Her power comes from her pet,

A dragon, how normal, you bet!

No – that animal doesn't make her a sue,

But she has enough perfection for two,

And from a Volturi invitation,

She meets the man she imagines,

Can be her true love,

But, stars from above!

It's Edward! Who had fled,

To Bella, instead!

Wait – that's okay, Bella's dead.

–

U is for U-jin,

A girl from Quintin,

A faraway place,

Where she rules the palace.

But I don't know why anyone would put her in power,

Since all she does is shake and cower,

But the author says: she's still brave!

Because she's on a quest that's grave!

(Maybe this author should go back to first grade)

Alas! Quintin is in danger!

She must get help from a stranger!

That stranger is Emmett,

And, what do you bet?

The 'foes' that compete,

The ones Emmett are to beat,

Are all young men that want her affections,

And lord knows, they can't bear her personal rejection.

And – wait, that's it?

Why is this story marked 'complete'?

–

V is for Vicky,

Whose really tricky,

She is the absolute perfection,

And all the boys are in for rejection,

Except one, the most daring,

Because it's Vicky he's snaring,

It's the rich Edward, who would of thought?

And that's the ending,

Because, apparently Vicky can be bought.

–

W is for Wendy,

A girl that really trendy,

She knows all the latest goss,

And in school, she's the boss.

Except for one thing she doesn't know,

Why exactly the Cullen's are a no-show,

But suddenly, she finds out!

And love is about!

Wendy and her man,

Are ready to walk down the aisle,

Yep – you didn't guess it,

She's in love with Carlisle.

–

X is for Xanthe,

With hair of corn,

And all she feels, is nothing but scorn,

For to her, the world is full of nothing but toys,

And she wants the very best of the wolf boys,

It's Jacob – that's right!

And he's in for a fright,

Because she's a wolf too!

Though it's really out of the blue.

The Author doesn't care if she's mean, or too perfect,

You obviously think that, because you're just a reject!

And in the end, she gets her man,

Through cruel tricks and lies, and any other way she can.

–

Y is for Yasmine,

Who smells strangely like jasmine,

And it makes her so sad,

That her scent drives Edward mad,

Basically, in this game,

Her and Bella are one in the same.

But after some regrets and shame,

Happiness just happens to find the lucky pair,

And, isn't it strange, the name

the Author and character share!

–

Z is for Zita,

And she's really much sweeter,

Then the bad-ass she looks like –

She's the suffering girlfriend of Mike!

But, look! Over there!

No-one really can compare,

To a saviour like Jacob Black 'the mutt',

And even though he's kind to her,

He sure kicks Mike's butt!

And then, without pause,

Jacob's her boy

And she's a famous actor!

Wow, that's a lot to happen, in only one chapter.

–

Now you see, my dear readers, I hope you're not mad,

But I must tell you, that bad fics make me sad,

Perfect OCs, fake SIs, to me they're the same,

As printing in capitals: CRUMMY FIC, PLZ DON'T FLAME!1!

And I can only hope that you really don't mind,

If I wrap this up with a small message on the side:

If you think you have a serious, deep and meaningful fic – be proud,

But please understand – Mary Sues aren't allowed.

* * *

No – I'm sorry, my bad, this whole thing is a joke,

I'm not serious, really, I just mean to poke,

Fun at the authors, I'm sure I'd admire,

If they didn't so dreadfully (rightfully) tire,

Of one certain fact – I'm a yaoi fan,

And all I want, is for the guy to get their girl's man.

–

Now please, do anything, just don't rant and flame,

Because I'd already warned you, it's all fair in this game,

You can scowl to yourself, but my name don't you mar,

Or maybe, if you want, you'd like to R&R! (^3^)/~333


End file.
